Cocks Rock Part One: Penises Are Attractive

It has recently come to my attention that many men are insecure about their penises. Because insecurity is bad, and because penises are one of my favorite topics, I have decided to do a series on penises, and why they are, in fact, awesome.

This will be a four-part series: this part will discuss the attractiveness of penises; part two will talk about the myth of penis size; part three will explore performance issues; and part four will consider whether penises or vulvas are more “mysterious.” Over the course of the series, the people who are in possession of penises will be referred to as “men”; this is not meant to erase trans people, but since trans people have far different issues with their genitalia that I am not entirely qualified to talk about, they are outside the scope of this series.

Some men feel like their penises are not all that attractive. This goes back to the pernicious Myth of Men Not Being Hot again: given that, apparently, men’s bodies are not physically desirable and they have to pay for their sex with commitment and/or love and/or money, clearly their penises will be the least attractive body part of all. 

Of course, this is not helped by the mass media and their hilarity about, for example, the Anthony Weiner scandal. Everyone knows the real porn for women is a man doing the dishes for a woman! After all, who would want to see a man’s dick?

Uh, well, um, I would.

Because I am a bisexual woman, and therefore I like men. I like men’s chests, I like men’s arms, I like men’s faces, I like men’s legs, I like men’s backs and– this is crucial– I like men’s cocks.

Once again we face the Two Rules of Desire. No matter how objective the evidence that people who like men almost always like penises– because penises are awesome! They grow and shrink and shoot stuff! and also because people who are attracted to a gender like the genitalia generally attached to said gender– our culture still insists that penises are just not hot.

Because men are not attractive, so their penises are clearly not attractive.

(Never mind all the slash fic with quite detailed descriptions of penises. Shush. We need to pretend that slash fic is all about women looking for their Twoo Wuv.)

Feminism has long supported women accepting their own vaginas. We perform the Vagina Monologues. We protest vaginoplasty or labiaplasty or the expectation (as opposed to the option) of hair removal or the ideal of the “perfect” vagina. We have raised awareness of the stupidity of douches, because vaginas are supposed to smell like vagina, not floral scents (also, they cause yeast infections). We encourage women to expect their partners to eat them out. Although far too many women still view their vulvas as “disgusting,” many don’t, and to a large degree that is because of feminism.

Unfortunately, for far too many people, especially men, this has created the notion that vulvas are awesome and penises are not. A quote-unquote “sensitive” guy might extoll to his sex partners his love of vulva– the taste, the look, the smell– and of eating girls out. However, compared to their vulvas, clearly his penis is just this… kind of silly, kind of ugly device, instrumentally useful for penetration but not an object of desire by itself; his orgasm is an afterthought.

And that’s just fucking wrong. It’s wrong because men should have the same acceptance and appreciation of their genitals as women should; it’s wrong because men’s orgasms should be valued the same way that women’s orgasms should. And it’s wrong because straight and bi women appreciate men’s bodies and men’s pleasure and should not be denied it.

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88 Responses to Cocks Rock Part One: Penises Are Attractive

  1. kaija24 says:

    Amen, sister! Here’s another straight woman who loves men on the bandwagon for “men are hot and that includes their penes!” 🙂

  2. typhonblue says:

    I’d like to add that there is a particular perversity in anyone who says their lover’s genitals should be surgically altered for their pleasure and aesthetic sense.

    Genitals are the trope codifier for ugly-cute.

    Also, oglaf.com (nsfw).

    That is all.

  3. noahbrand says:

    I remember a while back, one of the ladies in my life telling me, during an intimate moment, that I have a beautiful cock. I was stunned into silence. Not only had nobody ever told me that, but it had never occurred to me that “beautiful cock” was a concept one could actually formulate. It was such an unexpected compliment that I found it very moving.

    Speaking of moving, I would be remiss if I did not post the best poem I’ve ever read on the subject:

    The Connoisseuse of Slugs

    When I was a connoisseuse of slugs
    I would part the ivy leaves, and look for the
    naked jelly of those gold bodies,
    translucent strangers glistening along the
    stones, slowly, their gelatinous bodies
    at my mercy. Made mostly of water, they would shrivel
    to nothing if they were sprinkled with salt,
    but I was not interested in that. What I liked
    was to draw aside the ivy, breathe the
    odor of the wall, and stand there in silence
    until the slug forgot I was there
    and sent its antennae up out of its
    head, the glimmering umber horns
    rising like telescopes, until finally the
    sensitive knobs would pop out the
    ends, delicate and intimate. Years later,
    when I first saw a naked man,
    I gasped with pleasure to see that quiet
    mystery reenacted, the slow
    elegant being coming out of hiding and
    gleaming in the dark air, eager and so
    trusting you could weep.

    — Sharon Olds

  4. Pteryxx says:

    Aww, someone beat me to posting “Connoisseur of Slugs”. I did find this blog JUST in the nick of time. ❤

  5. I occasionally wonder if the whole “genitals are weird/ugly/disgusting” thing comes from the fact that we hide them and you’re not supposed to look at them. That is, do children who grow up in nudist societies think that penises and vulvas look weird or gross, or are they just another body part, like elbows? (Or maybe like butts, which are “normal looking” but still strangely fascinating to many people?)
    My wife finds my penis amusing. As that makes her more likely to play with it, I’m happy to encourage that attitude. (My wife finds me amusing, so along the same lines…)

  6. I think the thing that annoys me the most about the whole “men are not hot” thing is that guys and straight porn managers just assume that size is everything and nothing else matters. No darlings, I (personally) don’t want to see a balding, chubby, middle-aged fat guy with a ginormous dong fucking a plastic looking blonde, I wanna see boys like this: http://fc02.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2011/058/6/4/joy____suck__by_gamemastertom-d3aj87j.gif

  7. Excuse me while I whip this out …

    Lord knows I’m no troll here, but I feel that this needs to be said.

    -=- Channeling the spirit of my still-living Second-Wave Feminist Mother -=-

    Why are penises ugly? Because they are weapons – not just any weapon, like a stick or stone picked off the street among the detritus. They are weapons branded with the vein tattoos of oppression. Their beatings last merely seconds, but leave behind women sore and swollen with the pain of another generation of either oppressed or oppressor.

    The penises are ugly. They are tools that spread disease, pain, shame, anger and war. Pleasure? Non beyond the cucumber in your garden. Any man who takes pride in owning one takes pride in the sexual slavery of billions of women since time began. Any man who shows his to another, does not as someone a rare coin – but as a maniac does when he polishes his axe, as a terrorist shoots his AK-47 into the air, as a bully rolls up his sleeves.

    The penis is ugly – even as an organ it brings no happiness as mouth brings song or a hand brings massage. It is weak, fleshy and arrogant in its placement on the male body. It oozes not blood, as an organ that TRULY experiences anguish, but bitter, white power. It lacks not even to produce its own lubrication for the sex act – enjoying the pain of the women it will undoubtedly rape.

    The penis is ugly – it should be hid away, between the legs, hidden from view, touch or pleasure. But it forces itself on you – a constant “FUCK YOU” to women everywhere.

    That is why the penis is ugly.

    -=- Channeling the spirit of my still-living Second-Wave Feminist Mother -=-

    Wha? Huh? What did I say?

    Oh … I said that? Wow – that’s pretty impressive for off-the-cuff prose. Yeah – I have no idea why the penis is ugly – unless that kind of thinking ^^^ has become popular.

    Has it?

  8. Ella says:

    I’m an artist whose done lots of life drawing and after a while you do become used to looking at penises, at least (most poses don’t let you see the vulva). Lots of new artists go through a stage of not wanting to draw that part of the image, though, and I do think that has something to do with it being covered up in society.

  9. Danny says:

    I wonder. Is it possible that at least some of the guys that look and fish for compliments about their penises aren’t being brash and arrogant but are actually wanting to hear a compliment about their penis and are expressing that desire it in the best way that the script of being a man will allow? With the whole “men are not hot” thing bear in mind that, according to the script, men who feel that way aren’t exactly allowed to bluntly say, “I feel like my penis is ugly. Why are we bombarded that with messages that tell us our penises are ugly and that size is the only thing that matters?” (And woe be the guy who thinks his penis is ugly AND small.)

  10. Em says:

    @dr Of course, I realize that I should have said that guys have this thought beaten into their minds and so believe it. I apologize if I came off as objectifying.

  11. Brian says:

    …I may be non typical here. I’ve never thought my penis is ugly. It’s not particularly attractive, but it’s not more ugly to me than any part of my body.

    Also, for some reason I’m remembering the speech at the beginning of Zardoz now.

  12. tenya says:

    I thought the meme about penises (penii?) in porn was not that they were super huge but rather longevity and ‘orgasm on demand’ was prized, being super huge was pretty secondary except as novelty – not that they’ve stopped shaving to emphasize length or anything.

    But anyway! Yeah, I’d say there is a lot of the “penises are ugly!” without the corollary push back against that one does find against that type of attitude towards vulvas (which yup, still exists, a lot – suggest women check out their vulvas once in the interest of catching skin diseases early and omigodGROSS!! is a distressingly common response).
    Have you also seen/heard heterosexual guys weirdly policing this about circumcised vs. uncircumcised? That was one surprise of my adult life, how really adamant straight guys were about how awful uncircumcised peens were and omigod wasn’t I glad that x/y/z guy I was sleeping with didn’t have THAT? I remember once when I went to visit a boyfriend of mine four of his guy friends being around, my boyfriend asked me as soon as I walked in the door and said “-tenya- don’t you agree that uncircumcised is GROSS?” and I explained that I really didn’t although I’d never been with a guy that was uncut, and one of said guy friends triumphantly shouts “SEE!!”
    It strikes me as so strange.

  13. Happily married man says:

    thank you.
    For far too long I have been a man that believed penises (I really thinknit should be penii) were ugly. I hid mine, made fun of it, etc… Seriously. Never did I believe that women, normal well adjusted women, would think my member was something of beauty….
    Again, thank you.

  14. ozymandias42 says:

    Typhon Blue: I just want to second the ugly cute of genitals.

    Easily Enthused: Hey, I don’t think Dworkin and her ilk ever got enough pop-cultural penetration to be responsible for the whole damn myth. My theory is that it’s all about the male gaze. The default viewer for most media is a (straight, white, cis, middle-class, able-bodied, gender-conforming, sane…) man. Since this guy is, of course, attracted to conventionally attractive women, conventionally attractive women are portrayed as “hot,” as are their genitalia. Men’s genitalia, however, are either functional or laughable, because that’s how the supposed default viewer would stereotypically think of it.

    Danny: That sounds like a fairly cogent analysis for me– especially given the equivalent behavior in many women (barely-veiled attempts to get reassurance that they are hot or aren’t fat).

    tenya: Fuck! Circumcision! I forgot circumcision! Make that a five-post series…

  15. noahbrand says:

    Ozy, Easily: I think we can confirm that Andrea Dworkin is not responsible for all the harshing on dicks in pop culture. For one thing, on the best day she ever lived, Dworkin lacked the comedy chops to write this scene:

  16. noahbrand says:

    Doc, that’s not circular reasoning you’re seeing, it’s a vicious circle. It’s the conceptual feedback loop that makes cultural memes so damn tenacious once entrenched. I swear, it’s like mental herpes…

  17. kaija24 says:

    I just reminded my partner, who is sitting across from me on the couch watching the All-Star game, that he has an absolutely lovely penis…and he took it out and wiggled it at me and we both giggled. That never gets old 🙂 And yes, we are adults but sometimes we are still 12…

  18. Bone says:

    If women liked the penis then they would actually say this once in a while. As a man with happy, normal, and fully satisfying junk, I can fully attest that women don’t comment about my penis unless specifically asked… and how authentic is a coerced opinion, anyway?

    Girls hear how often they are desired and men fucking worship the vagina. Hell, society has even brainwashed women to shave all their pubes off to even get a better look at the slit. Women honestly don’t care that much about the penis in comparison.

  19. kaija24 says:

    Maybe you need to start hanging out with different women? 😉 I can tell you from a woman’s perspective that there are MANY of us that love the cock, as evidenced by the woman who wrote this post and all of us who have commented in the affirmative.

  20. ozymandias42 says:

    Bone: I am a bisexual woman. I like penises. I wrote porn for straight and bisexual women for years and years and years in my misspent youth.* The most well-regarded porn that got pages of comments featured a lot of description of penises. I believe Noah Brand, another porn creator on our blog (we have a lot of creators of porn for women here 🙂 ), can also confirm the attractiveness of penises to women.

    Admittedly, it’s anecdata, but unless you’re Wilt Chamberlain, we have a lot more anecdata than you. 🙂

    Doctor Mindbeam: The average straight cis man does not find penises attractive (I believe?). If the average straight cis man is the “eyes” through which media is created, then penises are probably not going to be depicted as attractive.

    *Shut up, a nineteen-year-old can totally have a misspent youth.

  21. I started writing a comment, but it got WAY way too long.

    It’s about me and my “giant” penis and how I learned to love it.

    http://easilyenthused.blogspot.com/2011/07/my-penis-and-this-post.html

  22. Kimberly says:

    The plural of penis is penes.

    And I want to jump on board and say that I love cocks and that male masturbation is hot!

    When I have offered compliments on a man’s body they haven’t always gone over very well at all. Which, yes, demonstrates the need, but is quite discouraging for some people.

  23. Paul says:

    Well… as long as the topic of circumsicion has been broached… I’m a intact male, and while I have grown to appreciate the fact that I’m not circumcised, this wasn’t always the case. It probably didn’t help that the reason I wasn’t cut wasn’t because my parents found the practice objectionable (they don’t, both my brothers have been circ’d) but because of an accident of birth. I was born premature and had several medical conditions that had to be corrected through surgery, to the point where my parents felt I’d had enough and didn’t need more.

    So no, my parents weren’t against cutting. In fact I can recall my mother telling me that she’d wished she’d had it done anyway, because it would be easier. (don’t ask me how that topic came up though, I have no idea)

    Anyway. I remember as a kid feeling extremely self-conscious about my foreskin. I knew my penis didn’t look like the ones in the textbooks. I was paranoid that it wasn’t clean enough, that it would get infected, that any girl who saw it would think it was gross. I once bought a box of condoms to practice with, and was horrified to find that I couldn’t get them on, and at the time i figured my foreskin was getting in the way… turns out later i just bought condoms that were too small. (yay for crappy sex ed) in fact I’d pretty much resigned myself to the idea that when I did have sex, it was probably going to hurt because my foreskin was going to be forcibly pulled up with every thrust (again, crappy sex ed) and forget oral sex, because no woman would ever want to put my junk in her mouth… what if there was schmutz caught in the skin fold?

    Anyway, this is getting long. Suffice it to say, I do no longer feel that way, I realize how big a bullet i dodged and how fortunate I actually am. Still, it’s very frustrating to read or hear people’s comments about how the intact penis looks “weird” or “gross”

    So, anyway, thanks for this post, and i look forward to “part 5” about circumcision.

  24. typhonblue says:

    @ Paul,

    “Still, it’s very frustrating to read or hear people’s comments about how the intact penis looks “weird” or “gross””

    You know, with the advent of the slash-yaoi-boyslove community, I think that’s going to change considerably. Most of the really good community artists draw intact almost exclusively.

    There’s even a permanent PSA against MGM in one of the major community websites.

  25. figleaf says:

    @DrMB and others: I just want to second Ozy and Kaija’s reminder that feminism has next to nothing to do with the idea that penises are ugly. For one thing, as I’ve mentioned before, at the very most generous and/or paranoid feminism barely dates back to the 1840s. People were calling them ugly before the dark ages.

    @easilyenthused: “Why are penises ugly? Because they are weapons…”

    That’s one way of looking at them but it’s pure opinion, and therefore amenable to other points of view. You know the old meme that the clitoris is the only organ that exists solely pleasure? That’s all well and good but consider that the penis is the only organ that exists solely to caress a lover.

    Back when I was trying to figure out erotic representations of the straight male through self photography (and posting one result a day) the one image that came closest to going viral with reposts was from a series of warm, soft half under-the-covers penis pictures I took one morning literally moments after waking up.

    Gave me a whole ‘nother perspective on, well, a lot of things. But mostly it was that we’re just never going to be the best judges of what straight people of the opposite sex will actually think is hot about us.

    figleaf

  26. mythago says:

    @Bone: There are women right here in this very discussion saying happy things about the penis. It’s therefore kind of rude of you to say ‘women don’t care about penises and don’t say nice things about them’ – essentially you’re calling them liars. Nice!

    (And as for worshiping the vulva, can you explain to me how all the fish jokes fit in with that?)

    I suspect a good dollop of the insecurity comes from the fact that, at least in the US, it’s not considered cool for men to look at other men’s bodies; it can actually be dangerous if a straight man thinks he’s being checked out. So sure, you can see other guys at the gym, but you don’t do more than casually glance in a way that doesn’t suggest in the slightest, unless you’re a gay man in a gay-friendly environment.

  27. Ruby Ryder says:

    I love penises. Not only do they grow and shrink and shoot stuff (love that)…penises are like the best toy in the world! They are gorgeous and handsome and praiseworthy, indeed.

  28. kaija24 says:

    To add more constructive analysis to Bone’s statement, another reason why women might not volunteer their appreciative thoughts about the penis is that there is a common line of faulty thinking among some people (not all, and not just male people) that if a woman admits to liking men’s bodies/penises/sex with men, then she automatically likes ALL men/ ALL bodies/ALL penises/will have sex with ALL men indiscriminately. Wrong…poor logic informed by insecurity, bad cultural scripts, and slut-shaming.

    It IS possible for a straight woman to have a healthy interest in general in men and sex with men, but be very specific about the particular man that she wants, yet able to admire the male form in other manifestations.

  29. elementary_watson says:

    @figleaf:

    the penis is the only organ that exists solely to caress a lover.

    I know that there is some other use of the penis; just now, unfortunately, I can’t remember what it is, as I really and urgently need to pee …

  30. Danny says:

    figleaf:
    That’s all well and good but consider that the penis is the only organ that exists solely to caress a lover.
    That’s funny. So how exactly does sperm get from the testicles again? And that whole urination thing to…

  31. Dr Anonymous says:

    @Bone

    I thought the shaving of the pubes originated in sex workers attempting to minimize the spread of
    crabs.

  32. Dr Anonymous says:

    And one more thing. I have encountered plenty of women talking about their worship for the penis. The 9″+ penis. There is even special sites catering to it http://7orbetter.com/ as an example.

  33. kaija24 says:

    @Dr. Anonymous: Yes, some women (not all) like the big ones, but some women (not all) like smaller ones. Most women like the ones that are around average size. The “bigger is better” trope is a myth that doesn’t bear out in reality. Now, what people SAY they want or like in public, on the internet, in their smack talk doesn’t always match up with what they like in the privacy of their own bedrooms, so a critical thinker must be able to separate those things (same goes for boobs…some guys like big ones, some like smaller ones, some guys just love boobs of all sorts). Honestly, I think men are more concerned about penis size than women are. I have a suspicion that Ozy is going to address this in another part of her series 🙂

  34. Cheradenine says:

    People were calling them ugly before the dark ages.

    And the Romans considered them divine 🙂

  35. Uncalledfor says:

    Quoting from the OP:

    “Some men feel like their penises are not all that attractive. This goes back to the pernicious Myth of Men Not Being Hot again: given that, apparently, men’s bodies are not physically desirable”

    ” No matter how objective the evidence that people who like men almost always like penises … our culture still insists that penises are just not hot.”

    The use of phrases like “pernicious myth” and “our culture insists” strike me as rather odd and elliptical. There is culture, of course, but there is also direct experience, and — I hate to be the one to break it to you — the typical, common experience of the majority of young straight men is near-continual rejection of their sexual offers, overtures, passes, come-ons, what-have-you. This is not a “myth” or a just dictate of culture, it’s simple reality. The vast majority (90-99% according to Warren Beatty, who should know) of male sexual approaches are rejected. The notion that “men are not hot” is not a myth, it’s the plain experience of a large majority of straight men.

    The fact that most straight men swim in a sea of near-continual rejection does not, in itself, mean that straight women are evil, or anything like that. But it does mean that most men are continually being told that their desire, and by extension the instruments of their desire, are unwelcome and unwanted. What a typical young man generally hears from women about his genitalia is, in effect, “Keep that away from me. I’d rather not see it or even hear about it, thank you”, ie pretty much the same reaction a person might get regarding a deformity or a surgical wound or an ugly skin rash. And so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that, after years of having the vast majority of potential appreciators (eg straight women) abjectly decline the offer to see something, the owner will conclude that it’s ugly. Really, how could it be otherwise?

    So, you can talk about culture if you want to, and it is certainly a valid subject. But that seems to me that when the simpler explanation of direct experience is obvious and sufficient, talking instead about culture is a rather curious diversion.

  36. Cheradenine says:

    @Uncalledfor, unless those men are making their approaches with their cocks hanging out,* “rejection of approaches” is not really relevant to the discussion of whether penes are attractive or not, is it?

    Edit to add: You’re probably looking for this thread.

    * which, you know, might cause issues of its own — but I doubt they are doing that anyway

  37. AMZB says:

    Here’s a thought:

    I love the cock. I like the way penises look—their shape and form. (For some reason, the only things we’re supposed to admire about penises are their length and girth, but I think their proportions and shape, the texture of their skin, and the pattern of their veins are also quite elegant.) And for the record, Bone, I don’t know what women you’re sleeping with, but I’m pretty vocal about my enthusiasm.

    That being said, as a lonely craigslist-lurking female, I am always pretty off-put when men email me pictures of their penises. This isn’t because I dislike penises. It’s more because there’s something kind of creepy about disembodied body parts. Send me a full body shot or something, please? I like seeing penises, but I much prefer them in context.

    (This is not to say that there isn’t beautiful penis photography out there. A well-framed photograph that really brings something out about the way penises look is wonderful and I’d love to see it. But generally people’s clumsy self-snapshots don’t do that.)

    As for the circumcision thing: I had an uncut partner for a while. It wasn’t really that much different. I don’t care one way or another.

    And as for length: I don’t understand where they got the idea that bigger is better. Big dick HURTS.

  38. ozymandias42 says:

    Uncalledfor: I use culture for two reasons–

    1) There are a whole lot of things that reinforce the Myth of Men Not Being Hot and the supposed ugliness of penes beyond men getting rejected: for instance, women who don’t compliment their partners’ penes, or jokes in comedies about how silly-looking a dick is.
    2) The number of straight women rejecting men is also (to a large degree) a cultural artifact.
    2a) To some degree, it’s an illusion created by men doing most of the approaching. A woman who is rejected by men, stereotypically, doesn’t get the dramatic rejection that a man does; she simply is not hit on. It still can hurt. I have to say, as a woman who does nearly all the approaching, I’ve gotten a fuckload of rejections.
    2b) Someone on this blog (iirc Hugh and Brian) have pointed to evidence that suggests that the generally-hit-on gender is more selective than the non-hit-on gender.

  39. kaija24 says:

    @AMZB: Good clarification! Random dick pics are not hot, IMHO…I prefer a lovely penis as part of an individual man who has other attractive traits that I desire; it’s the whole package (pun intended!), so to speak, and not just the disembodied cock. If it was *just* a cock I wanted, I could walk into any sex shop in North America and pick out one of any size, shape, color, texture, material, etc. No, I like real human men and all that they are.

    @Uncalledfor: Young men and women in general usually have a bumpy takeoff period with dating and approaching people and figuring out who is interested. It takes some time to develop those social skills and better hone in on those people who most likely reciprocate your interest. At the start, we all tend to go for a lot of the “wrong” people until we have a better idea of who the right people are, according to our own individual parameters. As far as culture is concerned, there IS a lot fear-mongering that gets repeated ad nauseum to some young women in an attempt to keep them safe or corral their sexuality, with messages like “Stay away from boys…they only want one thing!”, “Don’t believe what boys tell you, they are just thinking with their dicks!”, “Don’t be alone with boys are parties or they will try to do bad things to you!”, “Boys can’t control their dicks so it’s up to you to never give them an invitation”, as often told by parents and other authority figures. So it may take awhile for young women to separate what they’ve been told from their own judgments and experiences.

  40. kaija24 says:

    @DMB: Yeah, I always thought that was rather insulting to men. People in general get horny and have to wrestle with their baser desires from time to time…not just people with penes. However, I DO think that clumsy phrasing touches on a little feature of human sexuality that bothers us, makes us uncomfortable, can be hard to reconcile, challenges our sense of rational self-order…and that is that it is just plain sobering sometimes to notice that sometimes your body seems quite capable of telling your brain to butt out! :/

  41. AMZB says:

    @ DMB:

    Yeah, we tend to talk only about the aspects that you can feel once a penis is inserted (and, thank goodness, hidden away from delicate lady eyes!), which suggests that penises are good only for their functionality, rather than nice in themselves.

    Myself, I’ve always marveled at how they’re at once powerful in their protuberance and yet also somehow delicate. In particular, there’s something pleasingly precise about the curve of the glans that I always really admire. And the silky skin texture makes them seem somehow, well, vulnerable, which always melts my heart a little.

    Maybe it’s weird that I think of them in these terms. I don’t know. What have others observed?

    Also, how bizarre is it that you men have a piece of your body that changes shape dramatically according to your mood? How do you get used to that? Isn’t it kind of… discombobulating?

  42. @DMB
    It is weird how it changes shape – but not ALWAYS according to our mood – and that’s the frustrating part. That’s probably why the idea of “it has a mind of itself” comes from and the “other-ness” of the organ.

    I speak for myself when I say that because of this sense of duality (a man of two minds) makes it harder for me to take credit and easier to shift the blame on “him.”

  43. AMZB says:

    @ kaija24 and Uncalledfor:

    Speaking of the “bumpy” part of early dating, I know that when I was younger, I was so unaccustomed to seeing myself as a sexual being that I used to routinely reject men’s advances as sort of a panicked response just because I got flustered and didn’t know what to do. I wonder whether this is at least semi-common amongst young women and whether it might account for even more of the high rejection rate. Even if you’re attracted to someone, if you’re a little shy, being approached directly and put on the spot can be really intimidating.

    @ DMB:

    The “men think with their cocks” idea annoys me too. How are women any different? When I am aroused, I’m not even slightly clearheaded.

  44. AMZB says:

    @ DMB:

    I guess to me the reason it seems so strange is that my physicality seems inseparable from my identity somehow. So the idea of its changing shape all the time seems strange because to me it would be like turning into another person, since you’d have another shape. But I suppose you get used to it.

    Also, re: brutish and gruff, well, I see them as that also—simultaneously, I guess. As something of a kinkster, I am quite partial to that particular trope about men’s sexuality. I think that’s what amazes me about penises: they’re so multi-faceted. They’re powerful but delicate at the same time.

    Okay, I’ve got to peace out. This conversation is much too arousing.

  45. kaija24 says:

    @AMZB: Yeah, I think I did that too…just got nervous and bailed! I was also pretty clueless…took me a long time to pick up on subtle flirting. I usually needed it spelled out clearly that someone was interested in me or it went right over my head. Thank goodness we mostly grow out of that awkwardness 🙂

  46. Paul says:

    TyphonBlue: Actually, you’re probably right, I don’t much hear those comments anymore, usually only see them on the internet… (and that’s because, well, it’s the internet) Also, the crc rate is trending downwards here in the US. (which I think is awesome, personally) so hopefully, people will become more “used” to seeing guys like me.

  47. figleaf says:

    @elementary_watson and @danny: Yeah, yeah, you can pee out of a penis, and it squirts sperm. But at least half of all mammals (including obviously half of all humans) pee perfectly well without penises. So that’s not what they’re evolved for. And way, way more than half of all two-sexed species squirt sperm without penises so there’s more to it than that as well.

    But that’s all beside the point. Because I didn’t say the caressing was the only thing you can do with a penis. I said no other human organ is shaped by evolution specifically to caress another.

    figleaf

    p.s. I know, I know, the penis as weapon metaphor has been hugely popular not just for generations but millenia (remember Dworkin and MacKinnon didn’t invent that meme, they absorbed it from mainstream culture without ever questioning it.) But if you’ve ever been accidentally bitten during fellatio or deliberately kicked in school yard scuffles the idea that penises “natural weapons” is particularly laughable.

  48. aliarasthedaydreamer says:

    Re: poor control when horny — oh man, I have this problem too. It’s gotten to the point where I’ll tag decisions made while not turned on as REALLY IMPORTANT and tell my partners not to let me go back on it, because I have exacerbated injuries, slept with people I didn’t want to, and been late for various functions all because I was so overwhelmingly focused on sex. A part of growing up for me has been learning how to control that and be less stupid.

    Re: circumcision, this is a topic that’s always kind of weird for me — my partner is cut and perfectly happy with it, and so to see people saying that his penis is mutilated and damaged is hard, because it still looks gorgeous to me. I dunno. It’s an awkward subject.

  49. typhonblue says:

    @ DMB

    “That’s probably why the idea of “it has a mind of itself” comes from and the “other-ness” of the organ.”

    The fact that it is a reflection of body-inteligence thus a very visible and direct tie to nature itself?

    No wonder our society has made it such a taboo (and constructed bizarre mythologies of weaponization). All in one the penis is vulnerable (when men should be stoic and incapable of pain); it is governed by the rhythm of nature (when men should be mechanical and abstract); and it generates a forbidden pleasure in women and reminds them of their fallen state (after all, the absence of a penis was what made Jesus’ conception immaculate thus desiring the pleasure of one must be the devil’s work.)

  50. elementary_watson says:

    @figleaf: I’m not a native speaker, but to me, saying that the penis exists solely for caressing a lover means that that’s the only thing you do with it. However, it was a silly remark anyways (mine, I mean).

    Re penis as weapon vs vulnerable penis: In “As You Like It”, there is a beautiful deconstruction of the trope of “eyes that kill” (by looking indifferent at someone who is infatuated with the eye-owner). A similar case can be made, I think, about the penis.

  51. ozymandias42 says:

    Typhon Blue: Not to detract from your really interesting point, but the Immaculate Conception was actually Mary’s; she was conceived without original sin, which made her a suitable “vessel” for bearing the Son of God. Isn’t Catholicism (and I suppose some other brands of Christianity with the same theology) weird? 🙂

  52. Brian says:

    On the sidenote about organs designed for pleasure: We humans actually have a lot of them, if you’re not terribly strict about your definitions.

    For example, humans are the only primate with actual breasts, as opposed to just nipples. Of course all other primates breastfeed infants, but only humans have the rounded fatty sacks. Why do we have those? Pleasure. It’s fun to look at them, it’s fun to touch them, it’s fun to have other people touch yours…

    The penis is also a partial example of this: other primates have penises that are pretty tiny by human standards (a gorilla’s penis is about 2 inches erect, for example). Human penises are as long as they are at least partly because it’s more fun for the woman to fuck something that’s solidly in her vagina rather than just kinda hanging on the tip of it.

    Vaginal fluid is also there for pleasure, although really it’s not there for pleasure so much as not-pain. And of course the clitoris, can’t forget that.

  53. Danny says:

    p.s. I know, I know, the penis as weapon metaphor has been hugely popular not just for generations but millenia (remember Dworkin and MacKinnon didn’t invent that meme, they absorbed it from mainstream culture without ever questioning it.) But if you’ve ever been accidentally bitten during fellatio or deliberately kicked in school yard scuffles the idea that penises “natural weapons” is particularly laughable.
    Yeah I’ve seen the “penis as a weapon” thing come up a few times. Namely in a post I saw a long time ago talking something about how men are responsible for the deaths of women who die during childbirth or something like that.

    And do you think that people are trying to keep that alive by talking about how phalic most weapons are (almost as if physics and efficiency had nothing to do with weapon design but rather men just wanted to symbolically kill each other with their penises)?

    I do have to wonder. With a thread like this going on with people sharing stories, experiences, etc… I sometimes wonder where it is people get the idea that men (as a class) think their penis is the end all be all center of the universe.

  54. I apologize if my “penis as a weapon” comment put things “off track.” I mean, weren’t we supposed to be talking about how BEAUTIFUL they are? I’m very, very straight and I can appreciate a nice penis now and again.

    I honestly thought I’d be the first of many to bring it up. To me the question “why are peni considered ugly” has one, knee-jerk response: because they are weapons.

    But for me, this was HOW I WAS RAISED. I am the child of a second wave feminist who really, truly bought into some of the radical poison that the 70s cultivated.

    I think part of my fight against some aspects of feminism is that I want to avoid any more little boys growing up terrified of the thing in their pants that seemingly has a mind of its own because of the poison that my parents told me.

    Most kids had nightmares about the monsters under their bed. I had nightmares about the monster attached to my groin!

  55. Cheradenine says:

    Human penises are as long as they are at least partly because it’s more fun for the woman to fuck something that’s solidly in her vagina rather than just kinda hanging on the tip of it.

    Not to detract from the fun that there is to enjoy from penes and vaginas, but I think that’s a pretty dubious argument. I mean, I don’t want to get utilitarian about genitals — I value their pleasure aspects far above their reproductive aspects, personally — but I don’t think evolution selects for “fun”, it’s just a happy side-effect.

    Besides, it would invite a significant chicken-egg problem — why would the females of a species evolve pleasure centres in a location that the genitalia of the males of the specious couldn’t reach? I mean, once they did, I can see how evolutionary pressure might select for the longer penis, but in the meantime, it would seem to reduce the likelihood of the species continuing long enough to give it the opportunity for that evolution to take place…

    Whereas, there are a lot of arguments to be made about fertility and intra-uterine competition (and the distinctive shape of the human penis — compared to other animals — is thought to pay a significant part in that process too).

  56. @DMB
    I read Sex at Dawn too (and actually consulted Christopher Ryan on the audiobook) and when I came to that part I remember thinking of it as a “Guy’s Cream Scoop.”

    Bad puns run in my family.

  57. Brian says:

    @Cheradinine: Of course evolution selects for fun. if it didn’t sex wouldn’t be fun.

    There’s no good reason for all those nerves on the penis and in the vagina other than fun. It’s not like you go around feeling stuff with your crotch.

  58. Cheradenine says:

    @Brian: No, evolution does not select for fun. It’s the other way around. Evolution drives our sense of what fun is. That’s kind of my point. We find things enjoyable, that are evolutionarily successful. Let’s revisit your initial statement:

    Human penises are as long as they are at least partly because it’s more fun for the woman to fuck something that’s solidly in her vagina rather than just kinda hanging on the tip of it.

    The problem is you’re not really addressing the question of why is that more fun for the woman? The statement above makes no sense as a logical evolutionary argument, because both the penis and the vagina coevolved, and they could’ve coevolved into any configuration and still been just as pleasurable, because what we find pleasurable is, itself, evolved.

    The vagina could have evolved to concentrate all the nerve-endings around the entrance, for example, and that would’ve created just as much pleasure, and not required the male of the species to expend resources on growing a oversized* penis.

    Or we could just have evolved to explode with pleasure every time we scratch our noses, but, you know, that wouldn’t be a very successful strategy.

    Instead, evolution wires our sense of fun to reward behaviours that are evolutionarily successful. So it selects for success, and the fun is a happy side-effect.

    * relative to body mass, and compared to most of the rest of the animal kingdom — but go read up on duck penes and vaginas if you want to see some of the really weird shit evolution can get up to when it comes to genitals…

  59. Cheradenine says:

    Oh, and I also meant to add (but somehow forgot to actually type it in) that the other problem with the above quote is that you’re actually assuming that it is “more fun for the woman to fuck something that’s solidly in her vagina”, which, you know… it is for some women, and isn’t for others. A lot of women are all about the clitoris.

  60. @Cheradieninenenineeneeeen
    I have to say – the difference in women’s sexuality in this manner has been absolutely confounding to me (as a man with a penis.)

    I don’t want to betray the confidence of my former lovers, so I will speak generally:
    (All my partners have been female)
    One could not orgasm, neither by clitoris or vagina.
    Another orgasmed vaginally in less than 10 seconds of penetration.
    Another required about 10 solid minutes of vaginal “action” before being able to orgasm.
    Another could orgasm via clitoris or vagina – vaginal orgasms are longer-lasting and overall “more pleasurable” – but clitoral orgasms cause her to squirt.

    Women are fucking unpredictable and if I ever wrote a book titled “How To Please A Woman In Bed” it would have only one page and one sentence: Good Luck, chap.

  61. Hugh Ristik says:

    Cheradenine said:

    but I don’t think evolution selects for “fun”, it’s just a happy side-effect.

    This book chapter explains some of the evolutionary hypotheses behind female orgasm. Rather than arguing that female orgasm is an evolutionary by-product, Barash suggests the evaluation hypothesis:

    First suggested by David P. Barash nearly three decades ago, the idea is that orgasm might be a way a woman’s body speaks to her brain, “telling herself” that she has been having sex with a suitable partner—that is, one who is not worried about being displaced by a competitor, who is self-confident and unhurried enough to be satisfying to her.
    […]
    So maybe a woman’s orgasm isn’t elusive because it is a vestigial by-product, fickle and flaky, sometimes on and sometimes off like a light bulb that isn’t firmly screwed into its evolutionary socket. Maybe, instead, it is designed to be more than a little hard to get, adaptive precisely because it can’t be too readily summoned, so that when it arrives, it means something.
    […]
    The evaluation hypothesis is even compatible with the fact that orgasm is more reliably evoked by masturbation than by sexual intercourse; potential partners warrant evaluation, whereas there is no comparable pressure to assess one’s own masturbatory technique.

    As for the evolutionary of penis shape, there is some evidence suggesting that the shape of the penis would help scoop out the sperm of other men. They built fake penises of different designs and tested them. They also found the couples fuck harder after fights over female infidelity, or after separation, which could cause more scooping of the sperm of potential rivals.

    Simulating a sexual encounter in vitro, we found that phalluses with a glans/coronal ridge configuration that approximated a human penis resulted in appreciable displacement of simulated semen. Depth of thrusting was also an important parameter, with significant displacement occurring only when the penis was inserted 75% or more of the way into the vagina, forcing the semen under the frenulum and causing it to flow back around the shaft and collect behind the coronal ridge (see Fig. 2).
    […]
    While only suggestive, the data from both behavioral surveys are consistent with the semen displacement hypothesis. Following separation from their partners, or when males were sexually jealous, thrusting was rated as being deeper and more vigorous. Although speed and duration of thrusting were not manipulated using prosthetic genitals, these have been implicated in displacing vaginal secretions (O’Hara & O’Hara, 1999). Thus, many males appear to alter their sexual behavior in ways that may displace a rival male’s semen in the event of infidelity on the part of their partners. Baker and Bellis (1995) speculated that the longer the duration of intercourse, the more material would be removed from the vagina. But this assumes that number of thrusts vary with duration of intercourse. We found no differences in duration of intercourse, but males and females both reported quicker, more vigorous thrusting that could increase the number of thrusts per encounter.

  62. Cheradenine says:

    @ee

    Gosh, it’s almost like each one is an individual person with their own unique needs and desires, and that being “good” at sex isn’t a particular skill like, say, folding origami, but rather a combination of compatibility with a particular partner and an ability/willingness to communicate and listen and learn what works for them 😉

    (As ever — I should get a rubber stamp made up to print this — this applies to men or women, dealing with women or men, and everyone’s responsible for communicating their own needs to their partners, too…)

  63. Cheradenine says:

    @Hugh: Yeah, the evaluation hypothesis is an interesting one, and was at the back of my mind when I was writing the previous comments. I don’t have a viewpoint on whether it’s an accurate theory or not, but I’m willing to entertain it.

    (it doesn’t alter the argument, though — insomuch as evolution still isn’t selecting for fun, it’s using fun as a tool to evaluate — select for — something else)

    I’m aware of the Guy’s Cream Scoop theory (thanks for that, @easilyenthused), that’s what I was referring to by “intra-uterine competition (and the distinctive shape of the human penis […])” — the coronal ridge and its role in semen displacement. (DMB mentioned this too). I’m pretty convinced by it, there seems to have been enormous quantities of viable evidence thrown vigorously forth by the scientific community to support the idea of intra-uterine reproductive competition, and the GCS slots neatly into it.

  64. mythago says:

    Brian, this is just silly:
    Of course all other primates breastfeed infants, but only humans have the rounded fatty sacks. Why do we have those? Pleasure. It’s fun to look at them, it’s fun to touch them, it’s fun to have other people touch yours
    You are aware, I hope, that other primates feel sexual pleasure and enjoy sex without rounded fatty sacs? And this is a circular argument. Why are breasts fun to touch? Because we have them. Why do we have them? Because they are fun to touch. I mean, what?

    @doctormindbeam: Are you telling me that it’s considered generally acceptable in mainstream US culture for men to openly check out one another’s bodies? I get that you, personally, are OK with it, but that’s not exactly the same.

  65. mythago says:

    Yes, I know what you replied; it’s a non sequitur. It’s also asymmetrical, because you’re assuming both the checker and checkee (checkress?) are straight, whereas I’m talking about the cultural assumption that men who check out another man’s body do so because they’re gay or bi. If you’d asked “Are you saying that straight women enjoy being checked out by other women?” that’d be a different question, and my answer would be that they’re allowed to enjoy it (bi chicks = TEH HOT! amirite?), they’re also allowed to treat is as flattering if not personally interesting, and they’re generally not expected to react with hostility or anger lest somebody suspect they are unfeminine and dykey.

    The issue is not that straight men should or should not enjoy being checked out; it’s that (at least in mainstream US culture) straight men are not supposed to check each other out, a straight man is not supposed to enjoy being checked out (that would make him gay!) and if a straight man thinks he *is* being checked out, he is certainly not supposed to see that as no big deal.

    TL;DR, it’s fag-shaming.

  66. typhonblue says:

    @ mythago

    Ooooor, maybe, fag-shaming is a result of cock-shaming.

    BRAIN ASPLODE!

  67. Yes! While personally I prefer my penis-viewing to do be done in context (ie attached to a person, preferably a person of whom I am fond), sending pictures of one’s cock to random strangers is gross not because penises are TOTES GROSS YUCK, but because of consent issues. And one has no way of knowing how the recipient feels about penises in general and the sender’s in particular.

  68. typhonblue says:

    @startledoctopus

    “And one has no way of knowing how the recipient feels about penises in general and the sender’s in particular.”

    Just as an aside I’d also say this to women with micro mini dresses and either no or see-through underwear who decide they want to dance on tables or bend waaaaaay over.

    Not everyone wants a random eye-full, thanks.

    BTW, would you apply the same standard ‘no one knows how people feel about exposed breasts/vaginas in general’ to women exposing themselves in public?

  69. MaMu1977 says:

    @AMZB

    I’m old enough that random erections in public are a rare occurrence. The nocturnal erections, OTOH, make me envy a woman’s ability to blush and deny. Or, to put it nicely, there’s nothing more annoying that working a 40 hour shift, then being awoken by a piece of flesh that’s teasing you with the idea of release and sleep if you just give it a little rub, that’s throbbing and forcing “subtle memories of times past into your head, that’s letting you know in no uncertain terms that its going to poke and prod your vital areas until you give in to its “requests”. If nothing else, I’ll admit that I had more than a few dreams about Jusenkyo when.I was a teenager.

  70. Brian says:

    @Cheradinine: Ah. I left that out because I thought it was obvious; making sex more fun (in any way) is an adaptation mainly because it makes sex (and thus reproduction) more frequent.

    Why is a vagina designed so it’s more fun to fuck a long penis than a short penis? I dunno. A modification of the theory Hugh brought up: being willing and able to reach back there and pleasure her is indicative of a sex partner that (detail abstracted out) isn’t a douchbag.

    @mythago:

    a) Of course other primates have fun, but more is (usually) better. (Not to mention that the sexyness aspect of breasts might be as a replacement for the bright red genitals of most other primates; not so much because it makes sex fun when it’s happening as because it makes it seem like it would be fun when it isn’t happening. But this is just an educated guess and nothing I’d bet money on.)
    b) The idea that that’s a circular argument seems to rest on the idea that “breasts are fun to touch because we have them”. I’ve never said that and I have no idea what that would mean; it seems like a total non requiter to me. Breasts are fun to touch because in the immediate sense they have more nerve endings, and in the overarching sense because the more fun sex is the more you will do it.

    Also, if I may intrude on your conversation with doctormindbeam: not liking being checked out by other women would make you dykey? I don’t usually give the gender police the benefit of the doubt when it comes to consistency but this seems so blatantly contradictory I’d need proof to accept it.

  71. Kimsie says:

    @doc mindbeam
    Women with large clitorises have a huge amnt of anxiety. direct physical analogue.

  72. Sam says:

    Ozymandias,

    Statistically my penis is right there on top of the bell curve, but it’s got a curve on its own that has always made me apprehensive about it. I’ve never really thought that “beauty” would be a relevant measure for penes, size/girth, sure, but beauty in itself, not really.

    So in that respect I’d like to say that the first woman I got naked with told me I had a “beautiful penis”. I enjoyed the compliment but figured she was being nice to reduce my anxiety – she was a lot more experienced that I was at the time. So, well, women *do* say those things, I guess.

    I guess I’m still in the corner of the guys you mention in the post – “A quote-unquote “sensitive” guy might extoll to his sex partners his love of vulva– the taste, the look, the smell– and of eating girls out.” – and I *do* love cunnilingus, and while I’ve been a victim of the “penis as a weapon” dominant academic sexuality discourse of the last 40 years, something that added to a couple of issues that together made me an involuntary celibate for the first about 15 years of my theoretical sexual activity phase, I have since started to believe that women generally do, in fact, like penes, and the pleasure they can give.

    Actually, that belief has a recent high point… met a girl last weekend, who, while making out in a club bathroom, ripped my shirt open and assertively demanded she really wants my cock in her pussy. Now! Right now! It was probably a lot of guys’ fantasy, and I can’t say I didn’t enjoy her, us, our interaction, and her desire a lot, but being who I am, I wasn’t able to comply with her wish to have a quickie on the toilet. Still, this kind of stuff is what helps me heal… and she had no idea how much she was helping 🙂

  73. @typhonblue: that is an interesting point. For me the differences in the two situations are important. Usually when I have received emailed or texted naked pictures, it was shocking – click on something unrelated and up pops a penis or breasts, isolated from context and clearly designed either to shock or for sexual purposes. On the other hand, if I go out and see people’s bodies, if I catch a glimpse of genitalia, it is usually less inadvertent – I have to be at least looking in their general direction. In your example, if a woman is leaning over a table in a short skirt, I would either have to be quite close or looking quite carefully. I don’t like it when I am walking around my town, for example, and accidentally get an eyeful of penis because some dude has chosen to urinate against a wall, but I don’t feel quite as gross about it as I do about the pictures because the person wasn’t exposing his genitals to me intentionally. Same for accidental breast or vag exposure.
    I would compare the photos more to a flasher than to a woman in a short skirt leaning over a table – someone approaching you with the specific intent to show you something they do not know if you want to see, whether or not you want to see it, rather than someone simply exposing something in public (intentionally or inadvertently) without specific target or sexual intent. Nudity in public spaces is a bit of murky area for me – if we were accustomed to it and didn’t automatically equate naked genitals with sexual intent, I wouldn’t have any problem with it, but as is…best only in designated areas.

    I think people have the perfect right to be disgusted by an accidentally boob-flash or penis-peek in a coffeeshop, and to even politely ask that someone adjust or cover hirself if the exposure makes them uncomfortable. In Oregon, “indecent exposure” only covers exposures “intended to produce sexual arousal” which is a murky law, but better, I think, than a draconian banning of nudity. I don’t agree with telling people how to dress and I DEFINITELY don’t agree with the argument “nobody wants to see that,” given the way it’s weilded against both the conventionally unattractive and against fat people in particular.

    tl;dr – sending someone a nude photo of yourself is different from catching an eyeful in person in various ways *most* of the time, and I think that difference is very important to the way these things should be viewed.

  74. Rosie says:

    I don’t usually comment, but I think it’s really important to say this: I don’t usually tell men that I like their penis, because it feels like an awkward thing to say. But I do. I’ve met short, long, thick, thin, veiny, smooth, hard, soft, cut, uncut, dark, light, and multicolored penises. And I’ve liked them all. I haven’t always liked what they’ve done to me, but that’s about the person, isn’t it? Cock looks nice, smells, nice, tastes nice, and usually feels nice.

  75. ch says:

    @Ozy: “Hey, I don’t think Dworkin and her ilk ever got enough pop-cultural penetration”– please tell me that pun was intentional!

    @AMZB: “Yeah, we tend to talk only about the aspects that you can feel once a penis is inserted (and, thank goodness, hidden away from delicate lady eyes!), which suggests that penises are good only for their functionality, rather than nice in themselves.” Yeah, and not even every aspect you can feel once a penis is inserted: I’ve never heard the curve of (some) penises talked about in any sort of broader cultural discourse except in a “weird penises are weird” type joke. But I’ve been with a few guys who had various degrees of curvature in their erect cocks, and that was certainly something I could feel during intercourse (and damn does it feel great, in certain positions with a curved-cocked guy when the angle is right to caress the g-spot!). (@Sam, this may be something that you want to keep in mind to assuage your anxieties!)

  76. typhonblue says:

    @ sending someone a nude photo of yourself is different from catching an eyeful in person in various ways *most* of the time, and I think that difference is very important to the way these things should be viewed.

    Yes, I can see that.

    However, when you’re shoulder to shoulder in a rave where you can’t really escape and a woman is dancing on a table right next to you, deliberately flashing herself, I think that would qualify as similar to the nude photo thing.

    Not everyone wants to see your junk. Some people like to warm up to it first.

  77. @typhonblue: I admit I have issues with the phrase “Not everyone wants to see….” mainly because as a fattish person, people have said this about me within my earshot or to my face about me exercising, or me wearing a bathingsuit, or me wearing a dress they thought was unsuitable… Basically when it comes to non-sexually-harrassing stuff, I generally feel “if you don’t like it, stop looking!” – with the caveat that things should be well marked so people with triggers can avoid/prepare themselves.

    On the other hand, I am aware of the danger in saying “can you [change situation somehow]” /”just stop looking” because of how easily that slides into victim blaming territory….

    complicated!

  78. Danny says:

    MaMu1977: If nothing else, I’ll admit that I had more than a few dreams about Jusenkyo when.I was a teenager.
    Let me tell you, you are not the only one (yes I know about Jusenkyo).

  79. Darque says:

    Regarding the acceptability of men checking out each other’s bodies: I am reminded of a certain Piers Morgan from America’s Got Talent.

    and a certain male poledancer contestant, who, although he was incredibly athletic and entrancing to watch, still got buzzed by Piers for no apparent reason.

    I’m also reminded by the fact that in, heterosexual male groups (some, not all), there is a tendency to play the game “let me reaffirm my heterosexuality” or alternatively “let me prove that I’m not gay”. Obviously, if you end up looking at another guy for too long (for whatever reason), you would probably lose this game.

  80. typhonblue says:

    @ Darque

    Wow, that was a really awesome pole dancer. It’s amazing to see a man that unapologetic about himself.

  81. Paul says:

    @Darque

    One of the pleasant surprises I discovered when I admitted to myself that I was bisexual- I didn’t need to play those games anymore. Somebody makes a “Hah! You like men!” type of joke, I can just look at them and go… “yeah, and?” (the dumbfounded look on most guys faces alone is worth it)

  82. TheAverageOutlier says:

    This comment can be filed under “The diversity of human sexuality and gender identification”.

    I am a weakly identifying heterosexual male and I feel somewhat uncomfortable about the fact that I have a penis. I do not view penises as unattractive in general; If I was in love with a person with a penis, I would be attracted to their penis as well as the rest of their body. Also, I don’t think my own penis is necessarily unattractive. I just do not see much benefit in having it.

    This is not a big deal, but it’s one of the things why I do not actively seek out sexual partners. I am mildly put off by the idea of someone giving my penis too much attention. I think a lot of heterosexual sex is unnecessarily penis-centered. Some of the best sex I’ve had has been when my penis never touched my partner, or at least never penetrated.

  83. Pingback: STOP THE PRESSES! « asexual curiosities

  84. tomboy x says:

    I like looking at penises (and testicles, let’s not forget that part) too!!! XD Call me weird, but I can even think of them as “cute”, in a sexually attractive sense, yes, *high five*

  85. monkey says:

    @tomboy:
    In your opinion, is it okay if they’re small?

  86. jess says:

    monkey

    pointless question…

    you would need specific dimensions and womens opinions vary anyway

    if you are concerned, try and be thick skinned, be a great person and be willing to compensate i.e. toys, tongue etc

    some women anyway have sex way down their list of needs in life.

  87. Alarna says:

    I like your style of writing and your argument. Hit there are a few things I disagree with: 1) straight, Ilve men’s arms and abs, but I think penises are fugly things, just my opinion. And male orgasm is more easily achieved than female, and many guys prais the vulva cause it feels best for them. The male orgasm does not need to be concentrated on inn sex due to it’s Inevitability. We are taught to lie there and moan disregarding wether it’s the worst sex we’ve had. And heaven forbid If we told the poor sod how we really felt about his “skills”

    Ü out.

  88. mpcl says:

    Awesome post! Count in me as another girl who is very fond of penes and how they look.

    Hmm, have I actually told my boy how gorgeous his cock is? I really need to make sure to do so.

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