A very cool lady named Kimberly, a fan of our little blog, has contacted us with a proposal so fun it has little anime-sparklies dancing in my eyes:
The philosophy behind Cock Tales is simple. The artistic world is filled to the brim with examinations of female sexuality, female persecution, and criticisms and analysis of what it means to be female. Yet when I search for the same kind of expressions of maleness, I inevitably walk away empty-handed.
As a feminist, I find this rather unsettling. Have we spent years fighting for equality only to deny our brothers the very forms of expression we so emphatically demand? There is not an equal representation of the introspective, self-examining male in theatrical work. Or an equal representation of examinations of male sexuality, male persecution, or criticisms and analysis of what it means, socially and systemically, to be male.
Drawing inspiration from The Vagina Monologues, I am now working to compile a series of monologues written by men that look to explore a handful of issues revolving around – you guessed it – the cock. I am looking for any man who can pick up a pen and write a paragraph to assist me, since my experience in this area is, obviously, limited.
I am looking for any sort of writing (good, bad, monologue, prose, snippets, 5 page essays… whatever) that have to do with sex, masturbation, love, definitions of masculinity, social expectations, pressures, gender enforcement, ED, sexuality, fetishes, power, puberty and
the penis. I’ll take submissions from anyone – teenage, middle aged, ancient, 20-something, straight, gay, asexual, cissexual, MtF, FtM, heteroflexible, bisexual, bi-curious, metrosexual or homophobic – as long as maleness is (or once was) a part of your identity.All submissions will remain anonymous unless you request otherwise.
I feel in my bones what with the right collaboration, we can create a theatrical piece that has power, wit, meaning and will begin to truly level a long uneven playing field. Women are constantly encouraged by one another to feel, to explore, to write and to express. I call on all men to start encouraging their brothers to do the same thing.
If you have any further questions, or need help getting started, please feel free to e-mail me at kimberlyrdavidson@gmail.com. Also, if you know any one who might like to be involved with this project, feel free to copy this letter, redistribute it, and get other men involved!
I think it would be best for Ms. Davidson, and for her project, if she is so swamped with brilliant submissions that it takes her a long time to even dig through them, much less begin structuring them into a performance. I’ll be doing my part; will you? Got some questions for Ms. Davidson? Ask ’em in comments!
aliarasthedaydreamer
Ami Angelwings
Hershele Ostropoler
Cheradenine
jlandrith
kaija24
2020
noahbrand
Cliff Pervocracy
ozymandias
Shora
sirgabe
figleaf
John Hawkins
No, Seriously, What About Teh Menz? 
I find it interesting that it is *again* a woman who wants to do such a project. I say “again” because there was a comedic performance of “Penis-Monologe” in Karlsruhe, which also was written by a woman (who had hundreds of men sending in questionnaires).
A little bit more about the play can be read here in German (sorry, folks). Notable: A joke about the penis being looked at under the magnifying glass, which quickly gets reformulated because [sarcasm] men are so insecure about their penis size …[/snark] I didn’t bother watching it, btw …
I may write up a bit of “my story” for her… thanks for posting this!
“As a feminist, I find this rather unsettling. Have we spent years fighting for equality only to deny our brothers the very forms of expression we so emphatically demand?”
I’m curious who the “we” is in that sentence and I would suggest that to say feminists are “denying” men these opportunities for expression is unfair. Like, who specifically is “denying” men these forms of expressions? Feminists? Women? Are large groups of feminists/women signing petitions opposed to the creation of The Penis Monologues?
Like elemetary_watson, I also find it interesting that this project is being started by a woman, especially if the intent is to parallel The Vagina Monologues (started by a woman, to get women talking about vaginas).
@fannie – To clarify, my use of “we” in this context is largely the royal “we”. Of course there aren’t folks signing petitions in opposition to this project. My intent was to express the notion that although women are encouraged to publicly examine the damage created by social expectations of female sexuality, because of the mores which surround male emotion, such support on a large social scale (even in artistic circles) doesn’t publicly exist for men.
Okay, thanks for the clarification because given the context (“As a feminist…”) the “we” seems to refer to feminists.
You know why men wouldn’t start this?
@Kimberly:
What about the balls?
EE
My younger brother seems to think that because I’m a woman, I’m more likely to receive honestly written submissions with less self-censorship because in his experience, guys simply *don’t* talk to each other about sex or sexuality or their genitalia, for many reasons, including the one you humorously suggest above.
Also, you’re more than welcome to write about whatever bit or bits of your body get you typing. Balls included. ^__^
Maybe Kimberly should think about making a website for this idea so we all have somewhere to go other than her email address.
I’d like to stay updated on the progress of this project. I’d love to see the finished product!
@ EE
“I find it interesting that it is *again* a woman who wants to do such a project. I say “again” because there was a comedic performance of “Penis-Monologe” in Karlsruhe, which also was written by a woman (who had hundreds of men sending in questionnaires).”
Interesting as it may be I don’t regard it as that surprising.
It seems that women like men more then men like each other. Unfortunately.
Awww, Typhon – do you have a crush on me? Cause this is the second time you’ve slipped my name in for a comment I didn’t submit.
::wink::
Seems to me like this would be written by men, but put together by women, for women. I say this because I don’t have a ‘need’ for this, I am not ‘denied’ by anyone. I almost want to be upset at the presumption that men need to behave like women. But since I believe the OP is sincere, I don’t need to read into it too much.
In other circumstances I’d consider writing a few paragraphs about my experiences as a (by choice) stay at home father but since I’m a prude (relatively speaking) I don’t want to be anything near sex talk.
Good luck.
But this makes me wonder…are there ‘arts’ written by men, put together by men, for men?
Ooops… sorry.
@debaser, my art theory is not that crash hot, but because historically art was dominantly made by men it’s assumed to be made not for men but for “the normal people” which is where the male gaze comes from.
Whereas, the idea of making art for men in a similar way that feminist art is made for women is a different thing. In my (limited) experience, male artists who want to do something like that seem to get worried that their work will be interpreted as an attack on feminism (maybe because when you’re in art school it gets drilled into you that this is something women do because they don’t have the history of being listened to or being taken seriously in the arts).
@debaser
“I almost want to be upset at the presumption that men need to behave like women.”
Please understand that I have absolutely no intent nor desire to insult or anyone, and that I don’t believe I’m working under this presumption at all. Many of the men close to me have expressed deep frustration over their need to examine, express, criticize and celebrate their masculinity and lacking not only a concrete forum in which to do so, but also fellows with which to engage who will not automatically dismiss their efforts as sexist or anti-feminist. I simply want to provide both, for men who feel the need for such things.
@ Ella
“maybe because when you’re in art school it gets drilled into you that this is something women do because they don’t have the history of being listened to or being taken seriously in the arts”
I’m so glad I missed most of those lessons. I don’t need to be impeded with a toxic dose of victimhood.
“”I’ll take submissions from anyone – teenage, middle aged, ancient, 20-something, straight, gay, asexual, cissexual, MtF, FtM, heteroflexible, bisexual, bi-curious, metrosexual or homophobic””
Erm, I suppose I should just assume that racists and misogynists are welcome also they just didn’t get the invite? Though I have to wonder why that is…
((Actually, I really do wonder why people tend to choose homophobia as the issue. I can’t really think of a time when I read “and we’ll take racists, too!”))
More on the point I doubt I’ll participate, I’m not sure I have much to say about it, or much I’d be comfortable saying publically in that particular context no matter how anonymous it got.
@OrangeYouGlad: I suspect, and I hope she’ll correct me if I’m mistaken, that Kimberly mentions homophobia because it’s so much an expected part of performative masculinity. We’re all familiar with the notion that Real Men are properly suspicious of The Homos, and the general assertion of masculinity via aggressive heteronormativity. I think that her intention is to get a good cross-section of the male experience for this project, and that means the ugly parts as well as the good parts. But again, that’s just one moderately drunk man’s guess. 🙂
tbh, i had to look up what the vagina monologues actually were.
I’ll definitely be writing her.
While the general idea is cool, it might be better to modernize and build on the TVM concept using the internet. I would think that the initial audience would be alot smaller, and it’d also be very easy to display all the submissions, instead of just selections. An initial compilation would be a great introduction, but maybe a simple website that features all submissions with simple up- and downvote buttons would make the project more prolific and accessible.
British comedian Richard Herring wrote a book called “Talking Cock” that was later turned into a performance piece. I haven’t read it but it might be relevant:
‘Richard Herring’s male answer to the Vagina Monologues is… an impassioned and thoughtful disquisition on masculinity, cultural identity and sexual anthropology. But don’t let that put you off; there are still lots of jokes about porridge guns and weeing.’ The Observer.
@noah – I think there’s a distinct difference between saying “I want your experiences in dealing with the homophobia endemic in Society’s Perception Of Real Men” and asking for stories from homophobes. I could probably tell you some of the former… but the latter? I gotta say even without any actual contact with them I’m still not really sharing penis stories alongside the guy who threatened to tie me to the back of his truck and drag me to death, or any people like him, for hopefully obvious reasons.
Somehow I just noticed there should be a “comfortable” between “really” and “sharing” up there. Hopefully the comment makes more sense with that added.
@noah: You’re absolutely correct. What I’m looking for is a cross-section. The good, the bad, the ugly, the spectacularly beautiful… all of it.
@Graham: I had a writing teacher in college once tell me “There are no new stories, only new ways to tell old stories”. I think the more often a tale is told in multiple, new and interesting ways, the more impact that tale will have on the world as a whole. ^_^
By the by, I really want to thank the writers of the submissions I’ve already received. I’ve been very profoundly moved by much of what I’ve read. It’s wonderful!
@Orange: I’m deeply saddened that some awful person said such things to you. Your assessment that “I want your experiences in dealing with the homophobia endemic in Society’s Perception Of Real Men” is correct.
I think it is, however, important to examine the kind of culture and psychology that lead some men to becoming violent homophobes. The best people to get that perspective from would be this type of man himself. However, he’s probably also the least likely man to contribute to a project such as this, so I would say you needn’t worry about your contributions sharing the same artistic space as his.
From a strictly performance based standpoint, as a writer and actor, I do think such juxtaposition would be spectacularly unsettling and moving to an audience.
“But this makes me wonder…are there ‘arts’ written by men, put together by men, for men?”
Some architecture, a lot of sculpture, almost all epic poetry – almost none of which is part of any boy’s curriculum growing up BTW – lots of essays and some novels, although few were intended mianly for male audiences.
There was a similar show in DC called “Deez Nuts”. (I learned about it via coverage from The Sexist. I wasn’t in DC to see it, but it sounded pretty awesome.)
Also, my brain is now singing, “Cock Tales, woo woo!” to the Duck Tails theme.
@Rae What to do? Just grab onto some Cock Tales, woo-hoo!
…goddamnit.
…Race cars, lasers, airplanes-
Oh, god, what have you done to my mind??
—
@Arleccina: “”I think it is, however, important to examine the kind of culture and psychology that lead some men to becoming violent homophobes. The best people to get that perspective from would be this type of man himself. However, he’s probably also the least likely man to contribute to a project such as this, so I would say you needn’t worry about your contributions sharing the same artistic space as his.””
Bullshit. What you will wind up with is an anti-gay monologue from a highly bigoted individual whose lack of self-examination and self-awareness is evidenced by his bigotry. Incidentally, misogny is also fairly endemic to Society’s Perception of Real Men according to a lot of feminist thought so where is the warm welcome to woman-haters?
It’s not so much a real concern, per se, that I’m going to share “artistic space” with a homophobe so much as an attempt to highlight that welcoming that sort of person is a good way to make a good number of gay men feel unwelcome and alienated. Regardless of whether you say “welcome”. Words are pretty hollow after all.
“”From a strictly performance based standpoint, as a writer and actor, I do think such juxtaposition would be spectacularly unsettling and moving to an audience.””
Erm, lovely… speaking as a Graphic Designer/Animator, to me, hate just looks like hate. And when I am the regular subject of hate I have this terrible failing to see the “artistic beauty of it all” and mostly just feel hated.
My college runs one of these every year called “Dick Talk.” I’ve performed twice, and once I track down my monologue, I’ll send it in.
To those of you wondering why we need this: The monologues I’ve heard were a revelation. Talking about subjects like body shaming and ED in a frank way for an hour doesn’t show up just anywhere. And on a personal note, it was deeply gratifying to perform my monologue on how transsexual men are impacted by talking about dicks.
Orange-
You’re absolutely right. Hate looks like hate.
To clarify my thinking further, please understand the the only reason I would include homophobic, misogynistic or pro-rape content into this piece is to place a glowing spotlight on the insanity that comes from enforcing unnecessary and arbitrary standards of gender. Would it be disturbing? Yes, absolutely. But I would never use such literature with the intent of suggesting I support or condone people who make the world less safe for the rest of us.
Hate is ugly. Hate is disturbing. It’s irrational and dirty and deplorable. I do not believe hate is beautiful and I do not in any way support the actions, behaviors, or words of violent individuals, regardless of their social conditioning.
Art is a reflection of humanity, and thus it is often ugly, discomforting, and sometimes downright repugnant. It holds a glass to both the good and bad. I believe that the things which make people the most uncomfortable are often the things most worth shining the surgeon’s light on; the things most worth dissection and serious discussion.
kimberly,
thank you thank you thank you
The vagina monologues meant so much to me and several of my close friends as young women because it made it okay for us to not be ashamed of our bodies. I think that is lacking for young men in our society and we need it! Is there anything that us supportive women could do to help you with this project?
@trinity-
Feel free to copy/past my letter and pass the idea along to the guys you know. Encourage them and support them in their writing. Encourage them to pass it to other men they might know who would be interested. Many thanks for your support!
@Arleccina – Then welcome the misogynists and rape-supporters. I don’t any reason those who are “homophobic” should be singled out for awelcome.
And I still have my doubts you’ll get any examination from a bigot but I hope its all artsy and fun for you.
I wanted to clarify a few things in my position on this. Firstly, relating that experience with homophobes was not intended to illicit pity. I assumed the general willingness I’ve seen here and elsewhere of people to invite homophobes to share their perspective was due to an image of homophobes as school bullies or evangelical preachers. Not that “homophobes” could include worse sorts and in offering an invite to them it may be alienating to any gay men considering your project. I chose to do this with a personal anecdote rather than statistical data and it seems this was a mistake. I’m a bit embarrassed over this mistake.
However, I do object to that experience being seen as artistic in any context.
Thanks for the clarification. I think we have some common ground to work on now.
I do not find your experience artistic; as hate and bigotry are intrinsically without aesthetic value. Threatening language, harassment and violence are not to be condoned. I do not pity you for your experiences either. As someone who has been on the receiving end of homophobic violence, I understand with great clarity the impact such things have on a life.
I do feel, however, that contextually the writings of a bigot, while not “welcomed”, could be used in a way to illustrate how damaging social expectations of masculinity can truly be (in the same way I might use Valerie Solanas’s SCUM Manifesto to illustrate the dangers of extremist misandric thinking).
In an effort to help you understand why I included “homophobe” as one of my qualifiers, let me tell you a little about the less altruistic reasons I’ve taken on this project.
I have spent a good deal of my life absolutely terrified of men.
I was drugged and raped at a party when I was 14. I dated a boy in high school whose friends constantly cornered me and harassed me. He did nothing. At 16, I was pushed down a flight of stairs by a group teenage boys while leaving a movie theater with my girlfriend. My sophomore and junior years of college, my boyfriend controlled my life by keeping me constantly terrified of him. The first semester of my junior year, he pushed me down a flight of cement steps because I’d gone out the night before and stayed over at an apartment where one of the six roommates were male. I could go on, but I won’t. These are only a handful of experiences out of a lifetime of such things. And I know, from conversation with other women and lots and lots of reading, that my experiences with men aren’t unique by any stretch of the imagination.
And yet the good men in my life stand out in stark contrast to the bad. There’s my father; the best man I’ve ever had the privilege to know. My brave, bold, intelligent, talented older brother; who served two tours in Iraq. My sensitive, musical, artistic, younger brother; an engineering major and a brilliant poet. My current boyfriend; one of the few true gentlemen I’ve ever known. He’s smart, self-aware, supportive. He insists on my independence and is avidly devoted to DV awareness and justice. So much so that he’s pursuing a career in criminal justice.
So I have spent a good time wondering: Why the disconnect? What happens to boys that turns some into monsters and some into musicians? Why are there rape apologists? PUAs? MRA extremists? Men who would defend patriarchy to the death? Why, for every one of them, is there a DV officer? A gentleman? A feminist? And why on Earth aren’t we talking about it? When I hear people talk about the negative stereotypes of women in sitcoms or Hollywood’s latest romcom, I rarely hear them talk about the equally negative stereotypes of men in the exact same shows and films. Why? Furthermore, what do men think about all this? How do men feel about expectations of performance, penis size, and constant sexual availability? How do men feel about the common social belief in the coy female? How do men feel about rape? Abuse (emotional or physical)? Masturbation? Orgasm? Growing up? Marriage?
Just as I’ve spent time battling the belief that all men are violent rapists and that male sexuality is somehow toxic and perverse, I know men who have spent time struggling with the same beliefs about themselves. I can’t even begin to imagine how damaging this must be to a young boy’s self esteem and sense of worth.
My use of the qualifier “homophobe” comes from a place where I understand that it can be embarrassing and often downright horrible to look inside yourself and see the kind of bigotry you’ve spent time battling. My adolescence taught me that although A Man can be good, Men are a toxic creature from which I must constantly protect myself. When I find these thoughts creeping into my mind, I feel deep shame that I still battle that kind of bigotry within myself.
I know men for whom the struggle with homophobia and misogyny are a source of shame. Many of them recognize the social conditioning that went into the development of their prejudices, and they feel deeply ashamed of themselves when their “social brain” takes over and they find themselves repeating the social tropes they were taught to believe, but understand are incorrect, offensive, unkind and often bigoted.
As I’ve said, my goal is not to alienate potential contributors. I included the qualifier in my letter because I don’t want men who recognize the darkness in themselves to feel as though their voice would not be welcomed.
In the course of this discussion, I’ve resolved to edit my call for submission to make my thinking on this subject more clear, and I thank you for bringing such an important issue to my foremost attention.
Holy shit… sorry for the novel!
Also: Since this post went up, I’ve received 10 submissions! You guys rock. Keep ’em coming!
Arleccina, please feel free to write more novels if they are going to be like that one.
“I feel deep shame that I still battle that kind of bigotry within myself.”
I understand how oyu would fel ashamed, if oyu have an unreasonable expectation of oyurself or of humans in general. But humans are not gentle and pure, we are vicious and cruel. Expect to find every sort of evil inside of you. It does not make you just means you are truly human. What makes you fully human is the battle you wage against it.
I’d still like my comment edited per the request I sent earlier. Perhaps one of the mods could do that for me? It is my experience and I no longer want it public and hopefully that can be my choice? Regards.
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