Happy April First

Forget male rape survivors! Ignore the bullying of teen boys! Pay no attention to the marginalization of fathers! Today, NSWATM will discuss the single most important issue facing men of all classes, colors, and creeds: the inability of straight white middle-class men to get laid.

Too long have the slut-feminists and their mangina lapdogs hidden the truth of female sexuality! The feminists know that the true source of their power is their pussies. Without the Holy Grail of a vagina, what man would pay attention to the sack of meat surrounding it? Even the wimpiest white knight, “this is what a feminist looks like” shirt stretched over his jiggling fat, would turn MRA instantly if not promised a short-haired feminist chick on a bender.

The feminist-industrial complex has lied to us about the true nature of female sexuality by saying that women really want emotional connection with nice men who bring them roses. In fact, women are fucking men they met an hour ago in the bathrooms of dive bars; they spread their legs on the uncomfortable futon of an unemployed DJ. Meanwhile, an intelligent man with a good IT job, who would treat her like a queen and be a good provider for her children, is lucky to get a kiss on the cheek or be treated as a waddling plain jane’s emotional tampon.

This is the dark face of female sexuality: hypergamy. Their love juices flow freely for an alpha male, which is to say, for an asshole. If a man treats them like shit, their biomechanical imperative says, he must have dozens of women after him– how else could he treat one of them so awfully? They crave his come, especially during ovulation, so they too can have sexy sons. They tingle for a man with options. Their rationalization hamsters justify that it is just the once– or they’re empowered– or they’re SURE this one will commit!

Beware, nice guys! Even when you marry a “quality woman” who says she’s not a slut, after you drop her home from your romantic stargazing proposal with a ten thousand dollar ring, an alpha male will be fucking her without a condom and jizzing all over her face. So sure that that kid’s yours?

Some say that the only solution is for all men to learn Game– that is, to learn how to imitate the characteristic douchebaggery confidence of a man with options. His prideful stand, his masculine air, his piercing gaze: most men, with six months work, could learn to imitate these traits and, while they may not achieve the rampaging manliness of a true alpha male, could experience a pussy fountain like they had never imagined before, and the concomitant bliss. However, female hypergamy is a fickle mistress: once all men are players, the best at Game will still reap the benefits of multiple loving long-term relationships with beautiful women, while the only sex those inferior would get is a divorce raping up the ass.

Others argue that the solution is a return to patriarchy. Perhaps that is better: at least in that system every man gets a wife guaranteed to not be a slut, to look up to him, to obey him, and to marry while still young and fuckable. The male desire for polygamy can be dealt with by confining the sluttiest sluts (that is, anyone with The Pervocracy in their feed reader)to Houses of Entertainment where they may entertain men the only way that anyone cares about.

However, that dreams too low. After all, the necessity of being a “provider” to dependent women and children is too hard a burden on men.

I propose pussy communism. All women between the ages of fourteen and thirty (when they become unfuckable) will be available to all men, on demand, whenever they like. Once they hit The Wall and have their pussies stretched out by too many cocks, women will be assigned to clean homes, raise children, and make sandwiches for whatever drooling lesser omega wanking it to anime porn will have them.

Some may argue that this plan violates core principles of our democracy. Admittedly, going against capitalism and competition hurts me deep within my soul. However, capitalism only applies to men, ruthless and competitive, not the silly women. Besides, women already give their pussies to the undeserving: what difference does it make for them to fuck a weirdo nerdboy DM than a black thug with a sixteen inch cock?

I believe after some examination everyone will agree this is the only way.